I didn’t even have to use my AK..
I mentioned taking a picture of what makes me happy each day (if I remember). Today’s happy: Pitchers and catchers report today but I’m always reppin the Crew down here in enemy territory – in Chicago.
So today was an interesting day – to say the absolute least. Anyone who follows me on Facebook saw some of that. I may have vented just a little bit of frustration and anger. But! It was actually a really good day.
Let me explain..
I heard word on how the woman in question reacted to me being in a bad place. And it wasn’t any show of concern, or care, or interest, or worry.. it was complete and utter ambivalence. Beyond that, it was insulting. Heartless. Rude.
It brought quite quickly into focus how this person doesn’t – and perhaps never did – care for me. And it really, really pissed me off. Which is a good thing. Because the last thing I’m thinking about right now is how much I miss her or want her back or wish we were speaking or any of that other stupid romantic break-up shit. I’m nothing but pissed off. And angry. And so, so completely done with her and her bullshit.
And it feels glorious.
Happy Valentine’s Day to me!
Tao Te Ching – #1
The translation I’m reading can be found on this site.
Keep in mind I’m hardly a scholar in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I generally struggle with these sort of prose-y type things. But alas –
The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of heaven and Earth.
The named is the mother of the ten thousand things.
Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.
Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations.
These two spring from the same source but differ in name; this appears as darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The gate to all mystery.
To me this speaks the importance of understanding that the meaning of it all can’t ever truly be known. And it can’t be chased or pushed or forced. That in order to find oneself you must allow it to come to you in its own time. In its own way.
This seems to run counteractive to my journey of self discovery but I think this is still incredibly useful. I won’t identify my direction, my calling overnight. And i won’t do it by filling out a mind map (maybe I’ve done that) or writing down lists (definitely done this) and talking to others at great length (yep, guilty again) but by silencing the world and observing that which is around me. Most importantly, observing me, my reactions, my thoughts, and the direction that life takes me.
I think this is an important lesson. And I think it ties into today’s developments as well. Maybe I would have benefited from examining and blogging about this chapter yesterday, but alas, its here today, and I think it’s a good first step.