It’s better to have loved and lost..


Today’s Happy was creating a virtual Walk in my Shoes for some former call center folks I worked with. Their idea is to create a vault of information on different roles and positions throughout the company. Always happy to help out!


Today was another good day. There were ups, there were downs, but as I said in a Facebook post today was the first day I felt like the old me in about 2 months. And it felt really, really good. Not perfect. Not 100% back to normal. But I’m getting there.

I also had a couple really good talks with a couple friends. Yeah, the topic of conversation was she-who-shall-not-be-named to a small degree, but they were positive and constructive conversations. Well, what was said about her wasn’t positive but the direction and outcome of the conversations was positive. And that’s what really matters.

A bit more on that after today’s verse from the Tao Te Ching – again, taken from this page.


Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil. 

Therefore having and not having arise together.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short contrast each other:
High and low rest upon each other;
Voice and sound harmonize each other;
Front and back follow one another. 

Therefore the sage goes about doing nothing, teaching no-talking.
The ten thousand things rise and fall without cease,
Creating, yet not possessing.
Working, yet not taking credit.
Work is done, then forgotten.
Therefore it lasts forever. 

To me, this one seems pretty obvious – you can’t have the good without the bad. The light without the dark. The sun without the shadow. Moreover I think it’s impossible to understand one without the other. You only know good when you’ve experienced bad. You only know cold when you’ve felt warmth. And you can only feel absence when you have felt love.

It’s funny that this was today’s verse because that was one thing I verbalized to someone else for the first time today. I’ve thought about it a bit here and there but was never at a point where I could truly own it and admit it. But despite the heartache and pain over the last few months – despite the darkness that pointed me down the tunnel from which there is no return – despite all of that, I’m able today to look back on the experience and be happy it happened. It takes a lot to say that “out loud” but it’s true. It didn’t last forever, but the time that we had together was probably the happiest of my life. No.. not probably. It absolutely was the happiest of my life.

Of course, as Lau Tzu tells us you can’t have that high without the low and the highest of highs was followed by the lowest of lows. But despite all that – I’m happy it happened. I’m happy that I felt and gave a love that strong. Sure, I have questions about her sincerity and I feel that she used and mistreated me in a great number of ways but that time we shared.. that love we shared.. it was a beautiful thing. For a while. And I’m glad that I had a chance to experience that.

A month or so ago a friend rattled off the quote to me, “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” and I’m sure he wasn’t pleased with the response I gave him.

Today when another friend mentioned it to me..

I smiled.

The loss still hurts. But I can only feel that severe pain because I felt such severe love.

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