Which way is up?

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Maybe this wasn’t today’s happy, or yesterday’s.. well, maybe yesterday’s.. but the simple fact that there has been any happy recently is a good thing.

I re-read the last post on here before I began writing this one, and it’s funny how 2 months ago I was talking about the upward swing I was on and how I had overcome so much and was looking forward to how things would be better..

And here I am, 2 months later, knowing that the last 2 months have been hell. Perhaps the worst part of this whole ordeal. No, almost certainly the worst. I’m not 100% sure why that was, but it was.. and yet here I am.. again.. talking about how things are maybe looking up. It makes me wonder if this is just another false ray of sunshine before the clouds roll in and the storm starts once more. Which scares me.. because I nearly didn’t survive the last one.

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I can see clearly now..


A good cigar, some gin, some juice.. hard to beat that. This was actually my picture from yesterday but today was much the same. It was absolutely gorgeous out after work and I enjoyed my favorite cigar with a drink I’ve grown a bit fond of lately.

Today’s Happy was.. me. How I felt, how I saw the world, how things are going in my life.. it made me happy. I had a really good day, overall. Things at work are very good in a number of different ways. Things outside of work are pretty good, too. I’m in the midst of planning a get together for my birthday and hopefully I’ll be able to spend the day with some friends. Then the week after I head to Phoenix with my oldest friend to take in some Spring Training.

And that.. other stuff that has filled these pages, is much, much better. Not to say it’s 100% gone, but it’s mostly gone. The sadness, the loss, the anger.. the depression. There are bouts here and there but overall it’s gone. Admittedly tonight I scrolled through some of our first text messages when this whole thing started up.. that may have been a bad idea, but still.. overall, I’m in a good place.

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Can you feel the love tonight?


Today’s happy was the opportunity to spend the day with a couple friends, have a cigar, and I tried espresso for the first time – and actually really, really liked it. An espresso maker may be in my future so if you have a recommendation on a lesser expensive one – let a brotha know! After spending time with friends today and this afternoon, I got to video chat with another friend this evening while we had a cigar and talked about life and what the future may or may not hold. We don’t get a chance to catch up nearly as often as I like, so I was glad we were able to make the time. All told – a really good day.

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So I failed at taking a happy picture today. But what I can say today’s happy is – was making something homemade for dinner. Chicken szechuan stir fry with brown rice. I totally should have snapped a picture but I failed miserably. I was too excited to get back to my fantastic and amazing Friday night alone on my couch with stir fry and HBO Now.

Also, I think I’m going to start working on some longer-term goals. What I want to accomplish by my next birthday, just over a year away. We’ll see how that goes..

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Danger, Will Robinson.. and thank you.


To be fair, today’s happy picture started out being some cigars I got in the mail yesterday, but instead today’s happy absolutely turned out to be good time spent with a couple good friends – B and Paul. It didn’t hurt that I had a flight of whiskey and 2 flights of beer and another beer as a kicker. Big C was feelin’ good! Hell – Big C is still feelin’ really good.

In fact.. you probably shouldn’t drink and blog, yet here I am.. and this should be fun..since today I got contacted by the lady that has filled these pages the last few days. Turns out she stumbled onto this blog. And her reaction was.. well, to be expected.

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It’s better to have loved and lost..


Today’s Happy was creating a virtual Walk in my Shoes for some former call center folks I worked with. Their idea is to create a vault of information on different roles and positions throughout the company. Always happy to help out!


Today was another good day. There were ups, there were downs, but as I said in a Facebook post today was the first day I felt like the old me in about 2 months. And it felt really, really good. Not perfect. Not 100% back to normal. But I’m getting there.

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I didn’t even have to use my AK..


I mentioned taking a picture of what makes me happy each day (if I remember). Today’s happy: Pitchers and catchers report today but I’m always reppin the Crew down here in enemy territory – in Chicago.

So today was an interesting day – to say the absolute least. Anyone who follows me on Facebook saw some of that. I may have vented just a little bit of frustration and anger. But! It was actually a really good day.

Let me explain..

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Hello Darkness, my old friend..

The goal when I started this blog was to act as a way to chronicle my changes to become a better me. Primarily – or solely, even – this was around eating healthier and getting into better, healthier shape. That has gone up and down over the last few years (on the downside right now, but working on it) and this blog has been fairly inactive. Well, I think it may be time to bring it back in a different albeit related capacity.

My personal life has been a mixed bag of emotions over the last 4 or 5 months. Some good, some bad, some amazing, and some horrible. As I currently sit things are on the bad side of that spectrum and that, along with some self realizations over the last few months, have me looking introspectively at who I am, who I have been, and who I want to be. Additionally, I’ve done a lot of thinking on what life really does and should mean to me. I’ve got a long way to go, but I think blogging about that journey will be helpful.

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And here.. we.. go (again)!

So I’ve been failing horribly at this Biggest Loser challenge. Hoooorrribly.

But! When I weighed in today, I was right back where I started. I lost a bunch early, then I gained a bunch, then I was even higher than I started. But now? I’m back at the start.

So why have I fallen off the path?

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Week 1 – Biggest Work Loser

So this week started a Biggest Loser competition at the office. $50 buy in and weigh in happened Monday. Between Monday morning and this morning I’m moving in the right direction.

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